


"Cry Little Sister"

by BerylSpring



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Co-dependence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Episode: s10e17 Inside Man, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, John's a bad father!, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Abuse, Taboo, Unconventional Relationship, Underage Kissing, Underage Rape/Non-con, Underage Sex, Weechesters, coming to terms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 11:37:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerylSpring/pseuds/BerylSpring
Summary: A dark little fic about love, lost innocence, and unapologetic lust.





	"Cry Little Sister"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's been a long time since I posted my last fic! I've been working on a long one and I want to finish it before I post, but I suddenly got some inspiration for this one. Warning: This is the darkest fic I've attempted, so please read the warnings and tags to see if anything might trigger you. It's a bit of a taboo, unconventional romance which is not going to be for everyone. I tried not to glorify the horrible part.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading as always and please comment to let me know what you think!

Cool water ran over my hands, as I sleepily washed the soap from them.  I looked up briefly into the wash room mirror and took note of my bedhead; not that I cared, I had no one to impress in the middle of the night, and to be honest my vision was still blurry from the deep sleep I was awoken from.  I had been drinking with the boys earlier, after a particularly easy hunt, and had broken the seal hours ago.  Apparently, my bladder wasn’t done expelling all the toxic fluids I pounded down.  Grabbing the nearest towel off the rack, I dried my hands and tossed it aside to use again tomorrow, or later, whatever.  As I shuffled across the cold black-and-white tile towards the door, I was startled out of my lethargy when I heard Dean scream.

“SAAAAAM!  KAAAAT!”

I bolted out of the Men of Letters Lavatory, my bare-feet slapping the hard floor beneath them. Was something attacking him?  If so, I didn’t have any weapons on me, they were all back in my room, so I was going to have to rely on my own strength to help fight it off.  When I rounded the corner that led to the corridor where Dean’s room was located, Sam was already outside his door.  Gun at the ready, Sam kicked the door in and entered the room.  I closed the distance between us and smacked right into Sam’s back.  He had stopped just inside the doorway, and in my haste I didn’t have time to register his massive frame in front of me.

“Jesus, Sam!”  I yelped, trying to regain my composure.

I could see now what made him stop short.  Dean was tossing and turning in his bed, grunting and shouting; fists clenched like he was struggling.  He was having a nightmare; that was all.  Sam and I exchanged a concerned glance.  “I got it, Sam.  Go back to sleep.” He nodded reluctantly, decocking his pistol, and turned down the hallway back toward his room.  When I saw him disappear around the corner, I quietly shut the door to Dean’s room and padded softly over to the bed.  Dean seemed to be struggling less now, but his hands were still fisting the covers in a death grip. 

Pulling back the sheet and the soft beige blanket on top, I climbed into the bed next to him and wrapped my arm around his waist. His Henley was damp with sweat, and I could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly with each breath.  “Shhhh,” I whispered in his ear, “you’re okay, Dean.”  I laid my head on his shoulder and placed my hand on his chest.  His racing heart soon slowed, and he stilled.  His labored breathing became normal again. He even began to snore lightly.  I closed my eyes and settled in, and just before I drifted off I could feel the warmth of his hand covering mine.

 

*****

_“Here, I made you a sanditch”_

_“No, no” Dean rebuked, “You didn’t cut the crust off!  You’re not doing it right!”_

_A tear trickled down my face.  I could never seem to get it right! “I’m sowwy, Dean.”_

_His face fell, instinctively feeling bad that he hurt my feelings.  “It’s ok, Kat.  I’ll show you how for next time.”  Dean took the plate from my tiny hands and placed it on the suitcase we were using as a make-believe dining room table. I watched as he tried to saw the edges of the bread off with the toy Wild West Bowie Knife he had gotten last Christmas, a jagged line destroying the bologna and cheese I had put together for him.  “See, that’s how a mommy would do it.”_

_I was still sniffling from disappointing him, and he leaned over to comfort me by giving me a hug.  “Want a daddy kiss?” he asked.  I nodded, still sucking snot back up my nose. Dean smiled his biggest grin and placed his lips on mine tenderly.  We stood there, holding our lips together for a few seconds, the way mommies and daddies do, and then pulled apart with a great big SMACK!_

_Sammy started crying in the bean bag chair we had put him in for his nap.  “I’ll get it, daddy!” I said, still happily playing our game._

_*****_

My eyes blinked open and I inhaled deeply.  The bed next to me was warm, but Dean was no longer lying there.  I turned onto my back and snuggled deeper under the covers for a moment, thinking about the dream I just had.  It was one of my earliest memories of my brothers.  Dean was six at the time and I was just four.  John had already been leaving us alone in motel rooms at that age, while he was out obsessively hunting for our mother’s killer.  I had only fuzzy memories of Mom, but Dean would tell me stories about how she was the best mommy ever.  Of course, Sammy was too young to remember her at all, but we always played house while John was away, so that our little brother could feel like he had a mom too.  Dean was always the daddy and I was the mommy.  We would spend long hours playing our roles, and I loved the way it made me feel.  Like there was a solid connection between me and my big brother.  I felt safe with him, and I knew he would never ever leave me, even while John was playing absentee father.

I smiled at the thought of our childhood whimsy, and decided to get out of bed and go see what my brothers were doing.  It was a relatively late hour for me to get up, I was usually an early riser, so I was sure the boys had to fend for themselves with breakfast this morning.  What I didn’t expect was a plate of pancakes waiting for me in the kitchen.

“There you are sleepy-head,” Dean greeted me as I entered the room, “you’re gonna have to heat those in the microwave, but they were damn good if I do say so myself.”

“Of course you think they’re ‘damn good’.  You made them!”

“Everything I make is good, sis.  You should know that by now,” he bantered.

“Whatever. Is there coffee?  Someone woke up the whole bunker last night and I’m still kind of sleepy,” I razzed.

“Is that why you were in my bed this morning?” he asked, nodding to what was left in the coffee pot.

“Yeah,” I replied as I walked over to pour myself a cup, “That must have been some nightmare you were having; scared the bejeezus out of Sam and me.  I wanted to make sure you were alright. What were you dreaming about?”

Dean shrugged, “Don’t remember.”  He clearly remembered every detail, I knew him too well for him to deceive me, but I let it be for the moment.  I also knew when to leave him alone about things.  He’d eventually tell me, when he was ready.  “Enjoy the world’s best breakfast,” he said with a wink before heading off to find Sam.

My relationship with Dean was always easy-going.  Where Sam and Dean tended to spar quite frequently, Dean and I hardly ever argued about anything.  There was a mutual feeling of content whenever we were around each other.  Growing up we became the best of friends, and I learned so much about life, hunting, and everything in between from my big brother.  Like Sam, I idolized him, but for me it was like a fan who adored a celebrity rather than just looking up to an older sibling.  Looking back on it as an adult, I realized that it was a totally unconventional brother/sister relationship to say the least.  I was in love with him.  Not the way a sister should love her brother, not in a familial way, but actually in love with him.  I knew that it was wrong, so I never said it out loud, and I tried to hide it from him, but on some level I think he always knew.  It wasn’t until much later that I realized he felt the same way. It was just this unspoken knowledge that ghosted between the two of us, and the older we got the more we tried to ignore it.  But for a while, in our adolescent years, we found ourselves exploring our taboo feelings for one another.

I remember running through Uncle Bobby’s junkyard, hand-in-hand with Dean, trying to get away from Sam who was being particularly annoying that day. I was twelve-years-old at the time, and Dean had just turned fourteen. We ran so hard, weaving in and out of the rows of cars, only stopping when we were sure we had shaken our little brother off our trail.  There was an old, rusted out 1972 Plymouth Barracuda way back at the edge of the property that we turned into our own private hideout.  The windows were busted out, but when the weather was hot it was still stifling in there.  I honestly don’t know how we didn’t die of heat stroke, but we would always sit in the back seat together and hide out for hours.  This rotted out Barracuda became something of a sacred space for the two of us, and even as we got older, we still always escaped there when we wanted some privacy from Sam. 

It was in the backseat of that corroded car, that I had my first real kiss…

*****

_As soon as John dropped us off with Uncle Bobby for the weekend, I dropped my bag in the middle room upstairs where I usually crashed, and immediately headed out the back door towards our spot. It had been a while since we were there last, and I couldn’t wait to have some time with my big bro.  It turns out Dean was feeling the same way, because he didn’t even wait to drop off his stuff before making his way there.  When I reached the car he was already lounging in the back seat, his duffle bag slung over the passenger seat._

_“What took you so long, Kitty-Kat?” he teased._

_“Shut up,” I responded, opening the squeaky door and climbing in, “Scoot over will you?  You’re hogging the whole seat!”_

_“I was here first,” he taunted again._

_“I swear, Dean Winchester, I’ll kick you right in the balls if you don’t cut it out and make room!”_

_Dean shot upright and moved over for me, “Alright, alright, you don’t have to get violent.”_

_We sat there talking for a while; me about how I loved the new school John had sent us to, and Dean complained about how lame that same school was.  He had tried to ask the most popular girl in school out, and she flat out shot him down in front of the whole cafeteria. I didn’t know why it was bothering him so much, it wasn’t like he had never had a girlfriend before.  In fact, he always managed to find a couple at each school we went to, and we went to a lot of different schools over the years.  I, on the other hand, had never so much as kissed a boy.  Those innocent little "mommy and daddy" kisses that Dean and I used to share when we were little didn’t count. Part of why I liked this new school so much was that there was a boy in my class that I thought was super cute!  But I had no idea how to flirt with a boy.  Once Dean’s rantings were over, I shifted the conversation to my current predicament._

_“Dean,” I asked tentatively, “what do boys like?”_

_He looked at me like I grew three-heads.  “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean, girls.  Like, what type of girls do they like?”_

_He smirked, suspiciously, “Why are you asking?”_

_“I’ve never really had a boyfriend before, and there’s this guy in my class that I…”_

_“No,” Dean stopped me mid-sentence, “You’re too young to date!”_

_“What are you talking about?_ You _had a girlfriend when you were ten-years-old!”_

_He shifted his position, leaning up against the side panel with his hands resting behind his head.  “That’s different.  I’m a guy!”_

_“So?” I scoffed, “What does that have to do with it?”_

_“It’s different for guys, that’s all,” Dean offered, chauvinistically._

_I gave a long sigh, “Dean, c’mon, I really like this guy and you’re the only one I can talk to about this.  I need your help.”_

_He rolled his eyes, “Fine, but if Dad finds out and whoops your ass, don’t blame me.”_

_I marked an “x” over my heart and then twisted an imaginary key to lock my lips, tossing it over my shoulder and out the broken car window.  “Promise!”_

_“Okay,” Dean began, “you should go up to him and say ‘hey, wanna hang out?’ and see what he says.  If he likes you too, then he’ll probably be cool with it.  Guys like girls who make the first move.”_

_I thought about it for a minute.  Could I really do that?  Just walk up to him and ask him out?  “Well, what if he says yes?”_

_“Then you’ll go on your date that you’re so desperate to go on.”_

_“I’m not desperate I just think he’s cute!”_

_Dean rolled his eyes at me again.  He was clearly getting annoyed by the topic.  Silence filled the car as we sat there not speaking.  My head was spinning with thoughts of what might happen if I took Dean’s advice.  If he said ‘no’, I would be so embarrassed I think I’d just die!  On the other hand, if he said yes, what if he wanted to kiss me?  I didn’t know how to kiss!_

_“Dean?”_

_“What?” he said, exasperated._

_“What’s it like to kiss someone?”_

_Dean sat back up and looked at me seriously. “Do you want to kiss this guy?”_

_I shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe.”_

_“Hmm…” was all he said by way of reply._

_“Tell me!” I demanded, “I know you know how!  I caught you that one time with that girl Amanda, remember?”_

_“You just, kiss.  I don’t know how to describe it!” he exclaimed._

_I huffed, clearly not getting the info I wanted out of him.  “Well, then show me.”_

_“What?” Dean asked, perplexed._

_“Show me!  I want to know how!”_

_Dean stared at me blankly for a moment, but he was clearly trying to figure out what he should do.  I was his sister, and he was old enough to know that it was wrong to kiss me.  Hell, I knew that it was wrong too, but at the moment I just didn’t care.  The longer he sat there thinking though, the more my cheeks got red; burning from a mix of shame and self-doubt.  Why did I ask him that?  Surely he was going to think I was weird or messed-up for wanting to kiss my own brother!  I was finally about to turn away with a flippant “never mind”, when Dean leaned in and kissed me, soft and sweet.  It was only a brief second before he pulled away, but our faces still hovered close to one another’s, our eyes searching for some sign that it was okay.  Then his hands reached up and cradled my face, and he placed his mouth against mine once more.  This time, he pressed harder and I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip.  I pulled back quickly._

_“Ew, what are you doing?  Why did you lick me?”_

_Dean just chuckled, “That’s how you kiss, silly.  You open your mouth and we tangle our tongues together. It’s called a French Kiss.”_

_“That sounds gross!”_

_“It’s not gross,” he laughed again, “C’mere, try it again.”_

_Hesitantly, I leaned in and let him put his lips to mine again.  This time when I felt his tongue slide out, I opened up for him and he slipped it in, twisting it around mine in a wet and slippery dance.  At first it felt strange, but as he continued to kiss me, I realized that I actually enjoyed it…_

*****

We had spent the entire afternoon making out in the back of that car, and almost every time we were at Uncle Bobby’s we would steal away and “practice kissing” some more.  This went on for a couple of years, but ended abruptly when I was fourteen.  One lazy Sunday, Dean and I were chilling out in the back of our Barracuda as usual, and like always we ended up with our lips locked together.  I don’t know what possessed him to choose this particular day to take our forbidden play one step further, but the next thing I knew, I was lying down underneath him with his hand up my shirt.  He kept asking if it was okay, and I wasn’t going to tell him no.  I loved when he touched me, and the feeling of his warm hand on my flesh was drawing excitement out of me.  I should have known it would end up being too good to be true…

*****

_Dean continued to massage my breast as his lips trailed kisses from my chin to my neck.  I moaned involuntarily at the pleasure he was giving me, and he cocked an eyebrow in my direction.  “Did that feel good?” he asked with a haughty smirk._

_“Yes!” I said breathily and he returned his lips to my pulse point.  I could feel him smiling against my heated skin._

_His hand left my breast and ran down the length of my torso, sliding down my thigh and grabbing me behind the left knee.  Hitching my leg up, Dean placed himself between my legs and as he continued to kiss me deeply, I felt him grind himself down onto me; his erection stiff and straining against his jeans. “Have you ever let a guy touch you before?” he asked quizzically._

_“Like, up the shirt stuff?” I questioned rhetorically, “Yeah, a few times.  Jimmy Rodgers felt me up behind the…”_

_“Okay, okay, I don’t need a play-by-play!” Dean exclaimed.  His hand slid up my inner thigh and came to rest on my vagina, giving a gentle squeeze and sending a thrill up my body.  “I meant has a guy ever touched you like this?”_

_I swallowed hard.  Was this really happening?  “No,” I replied shyly, well aware that this was not something we should be doing, but also painfully aware of how badly I wanted my brother to continue._

_Dean rubbed his palm along the outside of my jeans slowly, his fingers sliding around and underneath me just between my cheeks. His eyes examined my face as he applied more pressure, his fingers prodding at the opening just below the denim fabric. “Do you like that?” he asked._

_I breathed out a heavy sigh, “Yes, Dean.” It felt like an electric coil was swirling up through my abdomen._

_“Can I touch you underneath your pants?” He asked trying to make sure he wasn’t over-stepping his boundaries with me._

_I looked up at him, my face getting flushed.  “Okay,” I murmured._

_He smiled down at me sweetly.  “If you don’t like it, just tell me and I’ll stop.  Okay, Kat?”  Taking my nod as a cue, Dean slipped the button out of its hole at my waistband and then slid the zipper down slowly, measuring my reaction with every move.  When I didn’t protest, he spread my fly open and trailed his fingers lightly along the edge of my cotton panties.  He looked unsure, but there was a fire in the dark recesses of his green eyes. Playing with the elastic, hesitating to go through with what was certainly not brotherly behavior, he brought his mouth to mine and closed his eyes before sinking his digits underneath the fabric of my underwear and slipping his middle finger through my folds.  I felt his breath catch when he reached my opening, slick with arousal._

_“What the Hell are you doing!?”_

_John’s booming voice startled us out of our pleasure._

_Dean bolted upright, banging his head on the roof of the car with a thud, as I shimmied out from underneath him with a shriek!  “Dad,” Dean started to babble, “I can explain!”_

_John threw open the door, yanking me out by my arm.  “Get out of the car, now!”  I fell to the ground as he dragged me out, my ass kicking up dust as I slid across the dirt._

_Dean was climbing out of the car. “It’s not her fault! It’s mine!”_

_Faster than I could blink, John’s hand loosened his grasp on my arm and he swung around. The back of his hand connected with Dean’s face with a sickening crack. He shoved Dean up against the side of our Barracuda, his face bright red with anger, and grabbed Dean by the collar, pinning him in place.  “How dare you touch your sister like that?! What are you some kind of pervert?”_

_“I’m sorry, Sir, let me explain…” Dean’s words trailed off as John’s fist connected with his face.  Blood trickled out of his now broken nose._

_“Get back to the house now before I kill you!” John screamed._

_“Yes, Sir!” Dean looked over at me, staring up at him, wide-eyed, with tears streaming down my face. He was hesitant to leave me, but he stumbled forward when John shoved him again._

_“Go, now!  Get out of my face, you disgust me!”  John was holding back his rage as much as he could. It took a long while before he could finally turn around and face me. “And what were you thinking letting him do that to you?”_

_“I love him,” I mumbled under my shaky breath._

_“What did you just say?” John raked his head to the side._

_In a moment of stupid defiance I shouted back at him, “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, DAD!  I WANTED HIM TO MAKE LOVE TO ME!” When I saw the look on John’s face I instantly regretted the outburst.  Pain was coming my way, oh so much pain!_

*****

“Hey!  Earth to Kat!” Sam was waving his hand in front of my face.  Clearly I had spaced out thinking about the past.

“Huh?” I responded, broken out of my reverie.  “Sorry, Sammy, what’s up?”

“I’m worried about Dean.  This was the third night in a row that he’s had a night terror.  That mark on his arm is doing a number on him.”

I glanced around the library behind me and peered out into the crow’s nest to make sure Dean wasn’t within earshot before responding.  “I know, but we’ve been researching in nearly every book in this place and we haven’t yet come up with a solution to getting that thing off of him!  I don’t know what else we can do!”

“No, no, you can’t do that,” Sam chided, “you can’t give up too!”

I sighed, “I haven’t given up, Sam.  Neither has Dean!”

“Well, he could’ve fooled me,” he spat back.

“Sam, I promise we’ll find a way.”  I stood up and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “We’re Winchesters. We always find a way.”

Our conversation was interrupted by Sam’s cellphone ringing.  It was Cas, calling to check in on Dean. I sat back and finished the last bite of my pancakes, letting the fork fall down on to the plate with a loud clang.  Sam bitchfaced at me and I grimaced by way of apology before he got back to his conversation.  Getting up from the table, I walked over the bookshelf behind me, scanning the titles for one I hadn’t yet read that might contain some smidgen of information on the Mark of Cain.  Really, though, I was just staying around to eavesdrop on Sam’s end of the conversation.  It sounded like Cas was just as clueless as we were about how to remove this evil off our big brother's arm. I grabbed a book off the shelf and sat back down across from my little brother, flipping through the pages and absent-mindedly scanning the less-than-helpful information contained therein, while Sam hopefully typed something into his laptop.  I watched him from under my lashes as his hopes were dashed once again.  It wasn’t long before I heard footsteps coming from the corridor outside of the crow's nest, so I kicked Sam’s foot under the table to warn him of Dean’s approach.

Sam glanced over in time to see Dean strolling up to the library with a cup of coffee in his hands, and quickly ended his call.  “Hey,” Sam said in greeting, “How’d you sleep?”

I nudged him again under the table.  Way to kick the bear, Sam!

“Like a drunk baby,” Dean responded, throwing me a wink and taking a sip of his coffee.  “What do we got?”

“Uhhh, nothing,” Sam replied.

Dean looked disappointed, as Sam continued to outline just how little we had to do.  No cases, except Dean’s of course, which we weren’t allowed to talk about.  So Dean declared a “snow day”, which meant we were going to be drinking again.  He sat down next to me at the table and continued sipping from his mug.

Sam suggested seeing a movie, which piqued Dean’s interest for a moment, until Sam announced that it was a French film about a mime that turned into a cockroach.  

I gave my little bro an incredulous look.  He clearly just made that up to shake Dean.  He was up to something, and I was kinda pissed he wasn’t cluing me in on exactly what.  When Dean showed absolutely no interest in driving to Wichita to see the fake movie, Sam laid it on even thicker, offering to let us join him.  I almost took him up on the offer, if only to find out what the hell he was up to, but Dean beat me to the punch.

“It’s fine,” Dean responded, “Besides, I can use a little brother/sister bonding time.  Whatduya say, sis?  Wanna stay here with me and watch a _non_ -horrible movie?”

I glanced back and forth at my two brothers, silently castigating their childish provocation of one another.  Sometimes I just wanted to put one of those oversized, get-along shirts on them and lock them away until they stopped instigating one another.  The sneaking around and lying to each other all the time was wearing on me also.  I always ended up stuck in the middle with one of them mad at me for keeping the other’s secrets. “Yeah, I’ll hang back here,” I finally responded.

Sam gave me a pointed look. “Alright,” he said nonchalantly to Dean, “Stay out of my room.”

Dean smiled back at him.  “Totally.”

Sam frowned and headed off to where ever it was he was really going.  No doubt trying to find another lead on the mark behind Dean’s back.  I had half a mind to clue Dean in on what was really going on, but I decided to stay out of it.  I was sure that decision would eventually come back to bite me in the ass, but at the moment I figured it was best to try and keep the peace.  Dean had been dealing with enough.

“So, what movie do you want to watch?” Dean asked, finishing off his coffee.

I smiled at him, “I’ll let you pick, just nothing with Chuck Norris or Van Damme.  They’re not good, no matter how many times you make me watch them.”

“What’re you talking about?  They are fantastic films!”

“Let’s put it this way, if I see either of their names in the opening credits, I’m catching up with Sam to see the movie about the mime cockroach.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Fine, but we aren’t watching a chick-flick either.”

“Whatever you want boss.  I’m going to take a quick shower first.  I’ll meet you in your bedroom in ten.”  I got up and started towards the door at the back of the library before stopping to put in one more request, “Oh, and make us some popcorn will you?  The good buttery kind that we hide from Sam?”

He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and shot off his finger guns at me.  He could be such a child sometimes, but I found myself chuckling at him anyway.  I couldn’t help but love him.

I headed straight to the lavatory and started up the hot water.  Both my brothers had already gotten their showers today, so it wasn’t quite as hot as I would have liked, but still enough to make me languish a little longer than I had planned under the stream.  I stood there for a good ten minutes just letting the water wash over me, soothing my muscles from the little bit of strain that remained from our last hunt.  When I realized I was probably taking too long, I grabbed my loofah off the shower rack and started sudsing myself up with my new body wash.  It was the super expensive kind, but I nicked it from the boutique I had seen it in, so I used it as freely as I wanted to.  As I was rinsing off the foam, I suddenly felt like I was being watched.  I slowed my movements and then turned around quickly looking for the offending eyes, but there was no one there.  I must have been imagining it.  Besides, it was just me and Dean in the bunker, and it wouldn’t really bother me if he were watching me.  I’m sick.  I know. I have a problem. Stop judging me.

After I toweled off and blew my hair dry, I threw on some comfy sweats and an old soft tee-shirt and padded down the length of the hallway to Dean’s room.  He was waiting for me, propped up against the headboard of his bed with his legs stretched out before him, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“Hey!  Don’t eat all of it before the movie starts!  Save some for me,” I protested.

“Yuh wuh taykin yoo long,” he responded with his mouth full.

“Ugh, chew with your mouth closed will ya?” I chided.  He smiled toothily, popcorn stuck in between his teeth.  “You’re gross,” I laughed and made my way over to the bed, scooting in next to him and popping a handful of kernels into my mouth.  “What are we watching?”

“Top Gun,” he replied, clearly proud of himself.  He defended his choice after I gave him an incredulous look. “What?  It doesn’t have Chuck or Jean Claude anywhere in it!”

“Fine,” I surrendered, “put it on.”

We settled in next to each other, his warm body radiating comfort and familiarity.  I wasn’t all that into the movie, mostly because he’s made me watch it a billion times before, but I did find it adorable the way he got into it.  Dean almost always carried himself around like some macho, tough guy, but when it was just the two of us he let that persona relax and he became his goofy, fun-loving self. About halfway through the movie, we had polished off the last of the popcorn, and Dean shifted to put the bucket up on his nightstand.  When he returned to his original position, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head against his shoulder, getting more comfortable. 

“You smell good,” he breathed in my ear. 

“It’s called a shower, you should try it sometime,” I quipped. 

He mimicked me in the childish, mocking way he does.  I just smiled up at him, amused by how easy it was to get under his skin.  We continued watching the movie and settled into a long silence before Dean finally spoke again.

“Thanks for lying with me last night.”

“Of course,” I responded simply. Like I wouldn’t be there for him! 

“I mean it,” he continued, “I know I’ve been keeping you and Sammy up the past few nights talking in my sleep.  These nightmares…”  He trailed off without finishing his thought. 

“You wanna talk about ‘em?”

He huffed, entertaining the idea for a minute, before responding, “No.  It’s all good. Let’s just watch the movie.” He forced a smile and gazed down at me.

I wiggled out from under his arm and repositioned myself so I could look him in the eye.  “You know you can talk to me, Dean,” I reminded him. 

“I know, Kitty-Kat,” he wasn’t playing fair using the pet name he’d given me back when we were kids.  It always reminded me of our time in the Barracuda.

Bringing my hand up to his face, I looked him deep in the eyes and said, “I’m here for you big brother.  Anything you need, all you have to do is ask.  _Anything._ ”  My heart began to race the longer we stared into each other’s eyes. The sexual tension was starting to Hoover the air out of the room! We were both breathing heavily. It had been a very long time since we had given in to our carnal desires for each other, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I repositioned myself once more and swung one leg over Dean’s lap, straddling him and holding onto his head with both my hands.  We both stared longingly into one another’s eyes for a long moment, until I felt his hands caress their way up my backside and settle onto my hips.  He pulled me close in one swift movement and in an instant his lips were upon mine. 

Old habits die hard…

*****

_After John caught the two of us red-handed that day in the junkyard, our secret spot became corrupted.  We never went back there, and our forbidden adolescent urges were stamped out by the ever oppressive foot of our father.  Dean was on thin ice with John, and he knew it, so he towed the line even when John wasn’t around.  When we were alone, I tried to reach out to him, but he always shut me down.  I know it probably hurt him to do it, but it hurt me even more.  I was searching for solace within my brother, but he knew that if he let himself comfort me and John caught us again, it could spell disaster for our family. He didn’t even know the extent to which I was punished that day, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him until after John’s death._

_I grieved for days when Dean was lying in that hospital bed in Sioux Falls, the machines he was hooked up to the only thing keeping him alive.  Sam and I had escaped the car crash relatively unscathed out of sheer luck, but Dean and John were in much worse shape.  I stayed by Dean’s bed side the entire time without a single thought about John’s well-being.  He was the reason Dean was there, the reason our lives were so twisted and dark.  I was angry and I had never forgiven him for what happened that day in the junkyard all those years earlier. Sam and Dean were my only reasons for continuing to hunt with my family. I couldn’t bring myself to leave them. My little brother Sammy, who Dean and I practically raised, and my big brother Dean, who I loved with all my heart, were all I had in this world._

_I knew that John sold his soul to save Dean.  I knew I should feel grateful to the man for giving me my brother back, but I didn’t feel anything when he died. The only sadness that wormed its way into my heart was over the way it was affecting my brothers.  Dean was seriously repressing his emotions, and even though Sam had more arguments with John than any of us throughout the years, even he wasn’t handling our father’s death very well. Instead of coping with John’s death, Dean went through a self-destructive phase, and when that wasn’t working to quell the sadness and guilt he felt over John’s demise, he would spend hours underneath Baby, bringing the car back to life even if he couldn’t do the same for his father._

_I’m not proud of it, but I found that I was a little jealous of how much Dean loved the man.  I couldn’t understand why he always put up with John’s abuse, with his orders, with the way he treated his children.  I don’t know if was my way of dealing with the death, or if I did it to get posthumous revenge on the man who ruined my childhood, but I finally told Dean what had happened all those years ago after John chased him away from our hideaway._

_“Hey Dean,” I called as I approached the car.  His legs were sticking out from underneath._

_At the sound of my voice, Dean stopped his work and rolled out into the sunlight, sitting up to look at me.  His face was smudged with grease and he was sticky with sweat from the heat. “What’s up?” he asked, pushing himself up off the ground and stretching out his muscles._

_“Can we talk?” I asked, knowing that what was going to be said might change everything. I handed him a cold beer, hoping it would cool him down or dull his senses a little to the information he was about to receive._

_He nodded at me in thanks and took a long swill of the cool liquid. “What’s on your mind?”_

_For the first time since the incident, I let all the painful memories of that day come flooding back to the forefront of my mind.  My breathing sped up, and I hesitated to say the words out loud.  Walking away from Dean, I kicked up some dust and looked down at my feet. I heard him set the beer down on the hood of the car, and then felt his hands soothe up and down my arms from behind me.  “This place,” I began with a shaky voice, “It brings back a lot of bad memories.” Dean’s hands tensed around me, and I realized that he thought I was referring to him and our time together. I spun around to face him._

_“No, I don’t mean those memories. I mean…well, I never really told you what happened after you ran off that day.” I looked down at my shoes again._

_An awkwardness lingered between us for a moment; we hadn’t talked about that day since it happened._

_I continued, “After John beat you and sent you back to the house, he punished me too.”_

_A look of concern came over Dean’s face.  No doubt he probably thought all these years that John had just taken it out on him, and he welcomed the abuse because he felt guilty about what he did. “What did he do?” he asked darkly._

_I closed my eyes briefly, trying to hold back tears that I had been stifling all those years. “I made a mistake, Dean. I told him how I felt and that I wanted you to…I’d seen John get angry before, but I had never seen him filled with rage like that.”_

_“What did he do?” he asked again, his nostrils already flared in anger._

_*****_

_John yanked me up off the dirt and bent me over the hood of the Barracuda. “You dirty little slut!” he yelled, “I didn’t raise you that way.  You wanted your brother to fuck you?!” A hand came down hard on my ass, and I yelped in response. “You think that hurts now?” he taunted, “just wait!” My jeans and my panties were yanked down to my knees and John continued to assault my bare ass, his flat, broad hand stinging with each slap until I was openly screaming and sobbing._

_I begged for him to stop.  I kept saying I’m sorry over and over again, but it fell on deaf ears._

_“My God!” he exclaimed, “Are you wet right now?” His fingers slid into my crease where Dean’s had been only a few minutes ago. I tried to get up off the car, but he shoved me back down. “Stay there, don’t you move!”_

_The jingle of his belt unbuckling filled me with a fear I had never felt before.  My ass was already burning, and I had never been beaten with a belt before, but I imagined it would hurt even worse than his hand. Would he lash me until I bled? I had never been so scared of the man._

_“You like the way your brother was touching you?  You want to be a little cock-slut?”  He made our beautiful encounter sound so lurid. “Fine, I’ll give you what you want.” With those words my world changed forever. I had braced myself for the strap but I could never have prepared for what I felt next.  John forced himself inside me. His prick was long and thick and nearly tore me in half.  I screamed at the pain that shot through me. His hand clamped down over my mouth as he continued to shove himself inside me. “I thought this was what you wanted, baby? You wanted someone to fuck you, well here you go!”_

_Eventually, I went numb to the pain and my body gave up the fight.  I slumped over the hood of the car, tears streaming down my face, as my father penetrated me over and over again.  Grunts and guttural growls fell from his lips with each thrust until finally, finally he finished, dumping his load into my raw cunt. It hurt just as much when he pulled out as when he had forced himself in. I stayed stock still in my prone position, the metal from the car burning into my skin. He fiddled with his belt again, this time putting it back on._

_“Clean yourself up,” he said, tossing me the bandana he had kept in his back pocket, “then get your ass to the house, and not a word to anyone about this.  You hear me?”_

_“Yes, sir,” I squeaked out._

_I waited until his footfalls faded away into the distance before prying myself off the front hood of the Barracuda. When I looked down at myself, I noticed there was a trail of blood trickling down my thigh. Using the bandana he gave to me, I wiped the blood off.  My cunt was sore and it was hard to even stand upright. Somehow I managed to pull up my panties, which immediately became soaked in the blood and cum that was still dripping from my pussy. I wiped the tears from my face and robotically pulled up my jeans to cover myself up, zipping and buttoning up as if on auto-pilot.  As soon as I composed myself, I made the long, slow walk back to the house, dodging Uncle Bobby’s look of concern and Sammy’s panicked curiosity.  I could hear John screaming at Dean outside to get in the car, and then the car doors slammed shut, tires peeling out on the dirt drive, and that was the last I had seen of Dean in over a month._

_*****_

_When I finished the story, it took me a moment to look up at my brother, and when I did I saw a mask of sadness, a single tear trickling down his face. After reliving that moment out loud and watching Dean’s emotional response, I couldn’t help but cry too.  It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, but at the same time it was cathartic to finally tell someone.  I had been keeping that secret for so long._

_Dean closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around me tight.  We stayed there like that, holding onto each other and crying for a long while. He kept whispering that he was sorry, over and over again.  Somehow he always found a way to blame himself when bad things happened, but I wouldn’t let him.  It was John who was to blame.  What kind of father would do that to his children, even if they had done a very bad thing?  It was not Dean’s fault!_

_Later that night, Dean snuck into my room and lay down behind me, curling his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him. The heat from his body against mine was comforting, and I sank further into him, molding every inch of my body to his frame. His nose nuzzled the back of my neck and I let out a contented sigh.  “You awake, little sister?” he asked in a hushed voice._

_“Mmm hmm,” I hummed in response._

_Dean trailed his fingertips up and down my bare arm soothingly. “I can’t stop thinking about what Dad did to you. That shouldn’t have been the way you first experienced sex.”  His tone belied his anger. “I should have stayed, I should have protected you.”_

_“It wasn’t your fault, Dean,” I reiterated, “Stop blaming yourself for everything John did to us.”_

_He let out a puff of warm breath behind my ear.  “I know what we were doing that day was wrong, I was taking advantage of you, but I need you to know that I would never have hurt you like that.”_

_“I know,” I responded, “and you weren’t taking advantage of me.  I wanted you.”_

_Dean pressed his lips to my shoulder, sliding the strap of my tank top out of his way as he trailed kisses along the base of my neck and across the top of my clavicle. “Do you still want me that way?”_

_It was a simple question, but one that thrilled me to my core.  Of course I still wanted him that way. I had always wanted him. I rotated my position to face him, sliding my hand underneath his arm to rest on his firm torso. Our faces were just inches from each other, and Dean tilted his head down to meet mine, our foreheads touching. “I’ve never wanted anything more,” I confessed and watched for his reaction, some signal that we might proceed._

_His eyes closed, and even in the dimness of the room there was enough moonlight streaming through the window to make out his expression.  I couldn’t be sure, but it looked as if he was both relieved and fighting some internal battle. “This is so wrong, Kat,” he said, eyes clenched in uncertainty, “We shouldn’t want this.  We shouldn’t want each other this way.”_

_My breath caught in my throat, the faintest feeling of a lump forming.  He was going to fight this. He was going to use rational thought and all his guilt to push down what he was feeling for me. We were so close to one another right now, and I hadn’t felt this intensity between us in years.  It was heady and erotic, and I didn’t want it to stop. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he rejected me, if he let his inhibitions stop him from taking what I knew we both wanted. “Dean,” I whispered, tilting his chin up for him to look me in the eyes.  I placed a chaste kiss on his lips, but he didn’t respond. I tried again, and this time he reciprocated, if briefly. “Make love to me,” I cooed._

_His chest rose and fell rapidly as he searched my eyes for final approval. When I kissed him again, he wound his hand around the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair, and crushed his lips into mine. Our mouths moved in synchronicity, lips parting and tongues exploring each other.  The kiss was much more eloquent this time, not the sloppy, inexperienced kiss we shared in the back of that Barracuda all those years ago. A deep vibratory moan rose from deep within my chest and Dean acknowledged and echoed my desire with a wanton groan of his own._

_I ran my hand down his side, fingering the hem of his tee-shirt and brushing my fingertips lightly against his skin. He was deliciously warm to the touch, and I wanted to feel his naked flesh on mine. Tugging his shirt up, Dean took the hint and rolled me onto my back, lifting himself up enough for me to slip the soft, cotton fabric over his head. I had seen my brother shirtless countless times before, but never in this context, and I marveled at every chiseled line, every sinewy movement of muscle underneath his tanned skin. My fingers ran down his chest and over his abdomen, tracing the line of hair from his belly button down to the waistband of his track pants. Dean sucked in a breath through clenched teeth as I toyed with the elastic sitting low on his hips._

_Laying his body down over mine, he dipped his head down to kiss and nip at my neck sending a feverish chill through my veins. His strong hands pawed at my breasts, nipples hardening and pushing out the fabric on my top.  His mouth wound its way down over my chest to take each one between his lips, the cloth covering adding to the friction of his gentle tug. I arched my back, pushing my chest further up into his face, wanting more.  Dean knew what I wanted and slowly and sensuously pushed the tank top up to expose my skin. When he reached my breasts, he let his thumbs drag over the rigid peaks, swirling around them in concentric circles before sliding the shirt all the way off. He looked down at my bare breasts, taking in my form with that cocky smile of his that I loved so much._

_His mouth was back to its work, licking and sucking at my nipples and sending electricity through me once again.  I let out a hearty moan, and Dean stopped to shush me for a moment. “Quiet, Baby Girl, you don’t want to wake Sammy or Bobby.”_

_I swallowed hard, and nodded up at him so he would continue._

_As he suckled my skin he let his hand sink between us, gliding underneath my panties and massaging my clit. He buried a guttural growl into my skin as his fingers dipped into my wet opening.  The feel of his rough skin inside me made my walls contract involuntarily, a prelude to the orgasm to come. “Not yet, little sister, I’m not nearly done with you.”  Dean curled his middle finger up and down between my slit, nudging gently at my sweet spot causing heat to radiate off me.  “Lift up,” he commanded, and when I complied, he wasted no time in removing the offending barrier between him and my sex. I was laid out bare in front of him, and he looked me over appreciatively. “You are so beautiful,” Dean exhaled. He stood for a moment at the foot of the bed, quickly stripping of his pants and boxers before returning._

_It was the first time I had seen my brother completely nude, and it was glorious.  He was like a Greek God standing there in front of me._

_Dean wasted no time returning to the dirty deed at hand.  His mouth ambled up my inner thighs, igniting the fire in my core even before his tongue reached my slippery folds. Flicking and sucking alternatively, my big brother was worshipping my pussy and bringing me closer and closer to my climax. When his lips suctioned around my clitoris, I threw my head back with a squeal of ecstasy.  His finger reached my lips to try and quiet me, and I took it in between my lips, rolling my tongue around its length.  The faint taste of my sex still lingered there, and the harder I sucked the more he hummed around my clit, the vibrations sending me over the cliff.  I came hard, and Dean surfed my orgasm like a professional.  His mouth never left my center until the pulsation resided and my hips stopped bucking off the mattress._

_My breathing was ragged and heavy, and Dean rolled himself up my body to face me again._

_“You okay, little sister?” He asked with a grin._

_“What do you think?” I managed to snark at him while I came down from my high._

_Dean barely even gave me time to regain my composure before leaning down to kiss me deeply. Our mouths sealed together again passionately._

_I snaked my hand between us to paw at his hardened length, which caused him to moan deeply into my mouth.  My hand gripped him tightly and I began to tug up and down his erection briefly before his hand stopped mine._

_“This isn’t about me right now, Baby Girl,” he said after prying his lips from mine, “This is about your pleasure.  This is about giving you back the experience you should have had all those years ago.”_

_His words carried all the emotion we had both bottled up for each other, and I pulled him down onto me wanting nothing more than for him to fill me with all the lust we’d been harboring since we were kids. The tip of his cock hovered at my entrance, so I pushed my hips toward him and with a satisfied groan from both of us, he finally sunk himself deep inside of me. My legs wrapped around his back, giving him a much better angle at which to reach my g-spot, and he slowly and sensuously thrusted into me, his body heavy against mine and his kiss never leaving my lips._

_I let my fingers tangle into his sweat-soaked hair as he continued to drag his cock in and out.  We groaned in pleasure at the feeling of our naked flesh intertwined.  In between kisses and moans, Dean whispered sweet nothings into my ear, zapping shot after shot of electric heat through my veins. It wasn’t long before I reached my next orgasm, and my big brother was right behind me, his hips twitching and becoming erratic.  He pushed himself to the limit to make sure I was finished with my climax before he jerked himself out of me and spilled his seed over my taut stomach._

_“I’m sorry,” he rasped through heavy breaths, “I didn’t want to…”_

_I stopped his thought through labored breath as well, “I know, it’s okay.”_

_Dean hovered over me for another moment, his arms shaking as he tried to keep himself from lying in his own emission.  When he regained a bit of strength, he rolled over and reached off the bed to grab his tee-shirt, which he used to clean up his mess. He stroked the cloth gently over my belly until the sticky, white fluid was wiped away, and then he tossed the shirt back to the floor and slid his arm underneath my neck, curling my body in towards his._

_We lay there wrapped up in the warmth of each other’s body heat, my head resting on his shoulder, and his lips dipping down every now and then to peck a sweet kiss onto the top of my head. We didn’t say a word to each other.  We didn’t have to. Both of us knew that we had done something the world would frown upon, and neither of us cared._

*****

My lips left his and I voraciously attacked his neck, nipping, sucking, and savoring the taste of his skin. I could feel his hands slide up underneath my shirt, massaging along my spine and I shivered with anticipation for what I longed for.  “I’ve missed this big brother,” I whispered in his ear sending an involuntary shiver through him as well.  Reaching down between us, I fingered the button on his jeans, popping it open and lowering the zipper before gliding my hand along his semi-hardened bulge.

Dean grunted when I gave a little squeeze and his lips found mine once again.

Breaking the kiss, I leaned into his ear, “I love you, Dean.”

“No…no, wait, stop,” he responded, grabbing ahold of my arms and pushing me off of him gently.

My breathing was already labored with excitement, “What? Why?”

His green eyes looked into mine, filled with some unexplained sadness.  “We can’t, Kat.  We can’t do this again, it’s not right.”

I was confused.  This wasn’t the first time we had been intimate, and I could tell by the way his cock hardened while in my hand that he wanted this.  “It feels right though, doesn’t it?” I questioned.

His face scrunched up and he took a quick, shallow breath.  “I’m sorry, Kitty-Kat.”  Moving me off his lap he stood up, running a hand through his hair and pacing the floor.

I got off the bed and approached him cautiously.  “Dean, what’s wrong?”

He chuckled incredulously and shook his head, “All of this.  All of this is wrong, Kat. You’re my sister!”

“I know that, Dean.  But, it’s not like we haven’t been here before,” I tried to reason, “I want this, I want you.” Taking a step forward, I reached out to him.

Dean took a step back, “I don’t.”

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. His words swirled around my head over and over.  He didn’t want me anymore. We stood there in silence looking at one another. I tried not to let my face expose my emotions, but I could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes. My brother looked down at me, a pained look of sympathy on his face, which was almost too much to bear. He could read me just as well as I could read him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking down to avoid my eyes.  He stepped around me and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked, trying to hold back the panicked tears. I hadn’t turned around to look at him, but I felt him stop.  I knew his back was to mine from the way his voice was slightly muffled.

“I’m going out for a while,” he responded, “don’t wait up.”

When I felt the air change in the room, I knew he was gone, and I let the tears fall.

*****

After I cried myself out, I wandered around the bunker for hours feeling numb and trying to find something to do to keep my mind off of what happened.  I must have scrubbed every inch of the place, I prepped about three weeks-worth of meals for my brothers and me, and even tried scouring the library for books on the Mark of Cain again, but Dean’s face and the words “I don’t” kept replaying at the front of my mind.  My heart, which had found its way back into my chest, was bruised and battered.  There was no one in this world that I loved more than my big brother. 

I was well aware that it was wrong, I knew that the way we grew up was twisted and a little sick, but I couldn’t help how I felt.  And I thought he had felt it too.  Now, I was questioning everything. Why did he fool around with me in the back of that car all those years if he didn’t feel the same?  Why did he make love to me that night at Bobby’s?  Was it pity?  Guilt over what John had done? Why would he have even started something if he didn’t want it in the first place?

There was a hollow maw in the pit of my stomach and it was threatening to swallow me whole. The pain was starting to worm its way through me and I needed that numb feeling back. With determination, I crossed the room to the bar cart where we kept our liquor and grabbed an unopened bottle of Jack, twisting off the cap and taking a swill. The liquid stung the back of my throat and I knocked back another big gulp to distract from the sting in my heart. It felt good to let it burn through me. Taking the bottle with me I retreated to my room to get sloshed.  I didn’t know when Dean would return, but I didn’t think I would be able to face him when he did.  Better to pass out early and deal with our problems in the morning.

*****

At 2:30 in the morning I found myself with my head in the toilet, heaving all the contents out of my stomach.  I was still very drunk, and I wasn’t seeing all that straight so I wasn’t very aware if I was hitting the target or not.  The smell that seemed to emanate around me not only indicated that I indeed was not, but was also making me more sick by the minute.  Just when I thought I had finally emptied myself out, another round of vomit came spewing forth.  When I was on my fifth time around, I faintly heard the bathroom door swing open.

“Kat?”

I heard his voice, and I wanted to cry again.  I puked instead.

“Jesus, Kat.  What happened?” Dean’s warm hand settled on my back as I retched again. “Alright, alright, let it all out sweetheart.” He pulled my hair back off my face and held it firmly until I was finished. “Is that it?” he asked before he left me propped up against the wall to wet a wash cloth for my face.  When he returned he flushed the toilet and cleaned up around my mouth, wiping some vomit out of my hair. It was certainly not my finest moment. “You’re a mess,” he declared, “Can you get up?”

I tried to stand on my own, but wobbled on my feet. Dean held me under my arm and hoisted me up.  “Let’s get you cleaned up, kid.”  He walked me over to the sink and told me to lean over the basin. I was afraid that I’d get dizzy and fall, but I braced myself on the porcelain while Dean grabbed my shampoo out of the nearby stall.  He rinsed and washed my hair quickly.  Apparently I had done a poor job of keeping it out of my face while I barfed up my organs. Still inebriated, I couldn’t find my footing, and then all of a sudden I began floating.  Actually, Dean had just scooped me up and carried me back to my room, but for a second I really thought I was flying.

He was about to place me in my bed when I protested.

“No, I need to brush my teeth first.”

“You can brush your teeth tomorrow,” he soothed, “let’s just get you into bed for now.”

I pushed him away, “No, I need to brush them now!”

“Okay, okay, here I’ll help you.”

Dean grabbed my arm again and supported my weight as I stumbled to the sink in the corner of my room.  I clumsily brushed my teeth, getting the wicked taste of vomit, whiskey, and buttered popcorn out of my mouth, making me feel clean again. “Okay, bed,” I ordered, and he helped me back over to my welcoming mattress and tucked me in.

“Did you drink all that whiskey tonight?” Dean interrogated.

I opened my eyes to see that he had found the bottle I was chugging earlier and was swirling around the last little sip that I had left in it.  “Maybe,” I challenged. 

Dean sighed and walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge and pushing the hair out of my face. “What were you thinking drinking all that by yourself?  You’re lucky you don’t have alcohol poisoning!”

“It doesn’t matter,” the petulant child inside me responded, “it’s not like you care anyway.” Even in my half-drunk state I knew it sounded petty and childish.

“This is about earlier.” He surmised. 

I turned away from him, not wanting to talk about it.

“Kat, look, I’m sorry about what I said.  I’m sorry I just left you there.  I just needed to bail, because I couldn’t stand there and watch your heart break.  I couldn’t keep standing there lying to you about how I felt.”

Slowly, I turned around to look at him. “How do you feel?”

Dean smiled down at me softly, “You know how I feel. You’re everything to me. You always have been. I just have a hard time admitting it to myself because I know I shouldn’t care for you like that. I’m in love with my little sister and that scares the hell out of me.  I’ve never felt anything like that with another woman.  And I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried! I’m just scared.”

A tear rolled down my cheek with the awareness that he was finally acknowledging his love for me, the same love I felt for him. “Why are you scared?” I asked.

He heaved a sigh of frustration and stood up, distancing himself from me.  “I’m just scared of what’s going to happen if someone finds out!  Dad found out and he…I can’t even think about what he did to you. What if Sammy finds out? I mean, it’s not normal, Kat!  Brothers don’t sleep with their sisters!  Brothers don’t fall in love with their sisters!”

“I know it’s not normal, or acceptable to other people,” I began, “but I don’t care what they think!  I love you, Dean.  I’ve always loved you and I always will. I just wanted to be yours tonight. I wanted to feel the way you made me feel that night we made love.”

There was a long moment of silence that hung heavy in the air, but finally Dean made his way back to my bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in next to me.  He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, laying a kiss on my forehead. “If we do this,” he began, “everything will change.”

“I don’t care,” I stated firmly, “I just want to be with you. We’ve been keeping it a secret for this long. This is just between us.  No one has to know. I’m not going to feel ashamed anymore for loving you.” Tears of frustration and exhaustion started to fall.

“Okay, Baby Girl,” Dean whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes, “I’m not going anywhere.  Get some sleep.  We can talk more about this in the morning.”

*****

When I woke up my head was throbbing. I could feel it before even opening my eyes. I needed something to make the pain go away stat!

“You awake, Baby Girl?” Dean’s voice forced my eyes open. The corner of his mouth curled up in a half smile. “I’m guessing you’re not feeling so great this morning, huh?”

“My head is exploding as we speak,” I quipped, “but, I’m glad you’re still here with me.”

Dean ran his hand through my hair and massaged the back of my neck. I closed my eyes again at the relief, and then I felt his lips on mine. When he pulled away, I looked over at him again.

“Mmmm, that seems to be exactly what I need to cure this hangover,” I teased.

“Oh yeah?” he asked, eyebrows raised, “I think we can arrange that.”  He kissed me again, this time more deeply, and I pulled him closer to me.  His warmth radiated through my body and I felt safe and loved.  “You know, I’ve heard that hot sex in the morning is the best cure for a hangover,” Dean offered cheekily.

I smiled, “Hmm, maybe we should try that.”

“Yeah?  Maybe we should,” he responded.  Dean rolled me onto my back and positioned himself on top of me.  His mouth met mine again for another quick kiss before he looked deep into my eyes and said, “I love you, Kitty-Kat.”


End file.
